By Milica Yaksich

  It has been a long journey and we have learned much about the ladder and the many steps that bring us closer to our Lord. He awaits us at the top with open arms. We must never lose our focus; never forget why we are climbing and what our reward will be at the end. That reward will be UNION WITH GOD. Let us review the structure of the ladder once more. First, there is: Renunciation, Detachment, Exile. Then there is the active life, the practice of the Virtues: Obedience, Repentance, Remembrance of Death, and Mourning. Next, there is the struggle against the Non-physical Passions: Anger, Malice, Slander, Talkativeness, Falsehood, and Deception. Then there is the struggle against the Physical Passions: Gluttony, Lust, and Avarice; followed by the struggle with more Non-physical Passions: Insensitivity, Fear, Vainglory, and Pride. Finally, as we approach the heights of the Ladder there is the contemplative life, UNION WITH GOD: STILLNESS, PRAYER, DISPASSION, and LOVE. We are now at Step 22 of the ladder, On Vainglory, only two steps from the final leg of our journey: the contemplative life, Union with God. If we can win the struggle with Vainglory and Pride the road ahead is certainly a golden one, full of spiritual peace and love.

Step 22: On Vainglory

  In light of what is commonly practiced and encouraged in the world today, the verse in Psalm 69 "Let them be turned back straightway in shame that say unto me: Well done! Well done!" may seem strange. Praise, self-esteem and pride are encouraged in schools and self-help books as good things, yet spiritually these are poison. It is a fact that we all need to believe in something. The problem is that in a godless society that 'something' is oneself, when in fact it should be God. When we understand that all that we are and all that we have comes from God, the only logical thing to do is to put all our faith and trust in Him. In light of this, we do not need the approval or praise of others because all praise and glory are rightfully due to God. By doing God's will it is God's approval and reward that we hope to attain, and as for glory, God glorifies all His saints both in Heaven and on earth. Loving God and believing that God loves us is all we need. My mother always reminded me when I thanked her for something that I should instead be thanking God. She would always say "Thank God, not me". St. John clearly defines vainglory in terms we can all understand and relate to: "As the occasion demands, let us talk about the unholy vice of self-esteem, the beginning and completion of the passions...Like the sun which shines on all alike, vainglory beams on every occupation. What I mean is this. I fast, and I turn vainglorious. I stop fasting so that I will draw no attention to myself, and I become vainglorious over my prudence. I dress well or badly, and am vainglorious in either case. I talk or hold my peace, and each time I am defeated. No matter how I shed this prickly thing, a spike remains to stand up against me." Vainglory is that internal self-praise - that feeling of "Well done!" (as the Psalm says) and the desire to be noticed and praised by others. It is the prelude to spiritual pride. We know that vainglory is with us when we begin to worry about what others think about us. It has wormed its way into our hearts when we start to care whether or not they approve and feel good when we get their approval. We have lost the battle when we enjoy the praise so much that we will actually go out of our way to do things in order to get praise. "A vainglorious man is a believer - and an idolater. Apparently honouring God, he actually is out to please not God but men. To be a showoff is to be vainglorious. Men of high spirit can endure offense nobly and willingly, but only the holy and the saintly can pass unscathed through praise." St. John has defined for us vainglory and at the same time illustrated how difficult it is to escape. In the next few lines he gives us the means by which to overcome it: "The first step in overcoming vainglory is to remain silent and to accept dishonour gladly. The middle stage is to check every act of vainglory while it is still in thought. The end - insofar as one may talk of an end to an abyss - is to be able to accept humiliation before others without actually feeling it." It is obvious how difficult this is to achieve. Putting aside the fact that everything in this life appears to be driven by appearances and everything we are taught emphasizes the importance of the impression we project to others and vice a versa, there is a very strong need (even by those who believe themselves to be non-conformists) to fit in, to belong somewhere to some segment of society. This can extend to the practice of our faith, our place in the community of the church. Firstly, we are all guilty of vainglory. I know of no one who can honestly say that they have never experienced this vice. At some time or other it has motivated us all to 'put on a good show' in order to create a favourable impression. This can be for the benefit of a parent, a teacher, a mentor, an employer or employee, a priest, a parish, an organization, etc. This is not to say that every likeable person or that every pious person who attends church regularly, etc., etc. is vainglorious. It is a question of what one's true motivation is. Vainglory makes hypocrites and liars of us. Vainglory acts one way in the presence of others and differently when alone. It moves us to make sure others know of the good things we do, the trouble we go to, and leads us to even infer that we have knowledge of or experience with things we have only read about. We know we are vainglorious when we conceal our faults and are defensive when criticized, and when we stop or give up doing something because we do not get the recognition or thanks we think we deserve. Many in the early stages of their spiritual journey fall prey to this vice. They are drawn to the church, and to God. God, after all, calls all to follow Him. Few are chosen because few can overcome the obstacles to achieving a true and all-encompassing love of God. How can we love God with all our hearts and all our minds if we are full of ourselves, full of vainglory which leads to pride? Do not despair, for as I said, we are all guilty of vainglory. Once we identify it in ourselves, however, we can repent. St. John observes: "It often happens that having been left naked by vainglory, we turn around and strip it ourselves more cleverly. For I have encountered some who embarked on the spiritual life out of vainglory, making therefore a bad start, and yet they finished up in a most admirable way because they changed their intentions." I have met those who insist they love God, even to the extent that they would choose the monastic path, and yet are so afflicted with vainglory as to be consumed by it. They are driven by an insatiable hunger for validation, attention, love, and certainly the recognition by others that they are special in a spiritual way. Initially, it is difficult for them to recognize this affliction in themselves because they are so blinded by the power of their emotions and what they perceive to be the greatness of their faith. All the while, they are commending themselves for their great faith, not realizing the spiritual danger they are in. Spiritual love is silent, unconditional, and selfless. On our spiritual journey we must ask ourselves how much of our thought, feeling, action, and prayer has to do with God and how much has to do with ourselves. Spiritual self-improvement is vital, but we are only improving to the degree to which the focus is shifting from ourselves to God. "If ever we seek glory, if it comes our way uninvited, or if we plan some course of action because of vainglory, we should think of our mourning and of the blessed fear on us as we stood alone in prayer before God. If we do this we will assuredly outflank shameless vainglory, that is if our wish for true prayer is genuine. This may be insufficient. In which case let us briefly remember that we must die. Should this also prove ineffective, let us at least go in fear of the shame that always comes after honour, for assuredly he who exalts himself will be humbled not only there but here also. When those who praise us, or, rather, those who lead us astray, begin to exalt us, we should briefly remember the multitude of our sins and in this way we will discover that we do not deserve whatever is said or done in our honour." St. John shows us the way, but even so, it is not easy. It is one thing to know, to understand and even to discern the problem in oneself. It is quite something else to completely rid oneself of it. We must all fight that battle as long as we live. Finally, St. John warns us: "Vainglory, fully grown, can give birth to pride, which is the beginning and the end of all evil." This brings us to the next step.

Step 23: On Pride

  St. John warns us: "Pride is a denial of God, an invention of the devil, a contempt for men. It is the mother of condemnation, the offspring of praise, a sign of barrenness. It is a flight from God's help, the harbinger of madness, the author of downfall. It is the cause of diabolical possession, the source of anger, the gateway of hypocrisy. It is the fortress of demons, the custodian of sins, the source of hardheartedness. It is the denial of compassion, a bitter Pharisee, a cruel judge. It is the foe of God. It is the root of blasphemy." God created the angels in heaven foremost to love Him, because God is love. All of the angels were beautiful, but one of the most beautiful was Lucifer, the angel of light. Lucifer became aware of his own beauty and was so vainglorious and full of love for himself that he became prideful and was unable to love anything or anyone beyond himself, unable to love God. He corrupted other angels and challenged God and God's power. God sent Archangel Michael to defeat Lucifer and cast him and his followers out of Heaven. God knew that Lucifer was no threat to His omnipotence, but He could not tolerate evil to exist with Him. This is why St. John describes pride as 'a denial of God, an invention of the devil, a contempt for men.' When Lucifer was cast out of Heaven the holy light which made him so beautiful was extinguished and the angel of light became the fallen angel of darkness: the devil. The devil has contempt for men because they are the pinnacle of God's creation and because God made the ultimate expression of love for man by sacrificing His own Son. There is no possible absolution or salvation for the devil or the other fallen angels and so Satan and his demons are determined to corrupt as many human souls as they can. They are jealous of man, jealous of God's love and mercy for man, and envious of the salvation that they can never reap. By corrupting man with pride, they isolate him from God. God does not hear the prayers of the proud. St. Thalassios wrote: "Pride deprives us of God's help, making us over-reliant on ourselves and arrogant". The Lord "ranges Himself against the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6). "They cry, but none giveth answer, because of the pride of evil men. Surely God will not hear vanity, neither will the Almighty regard it" (Job 35:12,13). Just as light dispels darkness, the darkness of evil cannot exist near the pure and holy light of God, neither will God tolerate evil to be near Him. Pride is a serious spiritual illness that will as surely lead one to damnation as it caused an angel to be cast out of heaven. Though many believe they know what pride is, let us review its many forms and the symptoms by which we can recognize it. Pride makes us believe that we and we alone know all, know better than anyone else to the extent that we are argumentative, and determined to get our own way. Pride prevents us from recognizing our betters. It causes us to challenge authority and blinds us to the wisdom of our elders. It results in disobedience. St. John writes, "To reject criticism is to show pride, while to accept it is to show oneself free of this fetter." To grow and learn spiritually or otherwise we must be able to accept correction, to accept that we can be wrong and to be willing to change. "The proud man wants to be in charge of things. He would feel lost otherwise". There are some who are natural leaders, and then there are those who can never take a back seat. To lead without pride is a gift. More often there are those who lead because they believe they know better than anyone else what needs to be done and how. Spiritually pride can trick us in a host of ways: St. John illustrates false humility: "An old man, experienced in these matters, once spiritually admonished a proud brother who said in his blindness, "Forgive me, father, but I am not proud." "My son," said the wise man, "what better proof of your pride could you have given than to claim that you were not proud?" Ouch! How many of us can relate to this one? It is so easy to stumble into the trap of laying claim to virtue when, as the apostles tell us, we should be confessing our weaknesses and sins. Interestingly, St. John wrote "..who said in his blindness.." to show that pride made the brother unaware of his sin. He went on to write, "Pride makes us forget our sins, for the remembrance of them leads to humility." This goes back to "insensitivity" wherein we become complacent, confident and unaware of our sins, believing instead that we are virtuous and spiritually well. As St. John illustrates, this is truly frightening: "It happens, I do not know how, that most of the proud never really discover their true selves. They think they have conquered their passions, and they find out how poor they really are only after they die." Having said that, it is only fitting that we consider one more example of spiritual pride. I have always been amazed at and at the same time somewhat uncomfortable with those who would say, "Brother, are you saved?" or, "I am saved! I'm going to heaven!" It just is not our call to make. St John writes: "Do not be self-confident before judgment has been passed on you. Do not be stiff-necked, since you are a material being. Many although holy and unencumbered by a body were thrown out even from heaven." The best advice St. John gives for overcoming pride is "to compare ourselves with the Fathers and the lights who have gone before us". By reading the lives of the saints and considering what they sacrificed and suffered, we may begin to realize how little we have achieved spiritually. At the same time as we are humbled by their sacrifice and their faith we are given hope that even a human soul that is black with sin can be turned around and raised up to heaven. Ridding ourselves of pride and attaining humility is essential to our salvation. With humility comes the recognition that all that we are and all that we have comes from God. This necessitates that we be grateful for all the blessings we did nothing to earn or deserve. In spiritual terms, unlike the contemporary secular world, everything is a privilege, not a right! St. John explains, "While it is disgraceful to be puffed up over the adornments of others, it is sheer lunacy to imagine that one has deserved the gifts of God. You may be proud only of the achievements you had before the time of your birth. But anything after that, indeed the birth itself, is a gift from God. You may claim only those virtues in you that are there independently of your mind, for your mind was bestowed on you by God. And you may claim only those victories you achieved independently of the body, for the body too is not yours but a work of God." "If we were to die ten thousand times for Christ, we would still not have repaid what we owe, for in value rather than in physical substance there is no comparison between the blood of God and that of His servants." We will all struggle with pride and vainglory and many sins and passions until we die. It is only then that the battle is over. May the Lord grant us the humility to recognize our sins and weaknesses, the strength to fight them and the faith and love and hope with which to overcome them. Amen.